Crushing it - Completing goals while raising our kids

I posted this on a private forum but felt it was appropriate to add here.

While you're crushing it, remember your kids. Put them first. Crush it while they're at school, taking a nap or in bed for the night. While your children are young "crushing it" means making sure they have clean clothes, healthy meals, support in their studies, someone to hear about their day, and time to be just kids. If you can do that you are totally crushing it.

"Crushing it" means doing the things that makes your home a haven for your family. It's safe, comfortable, comforting, and the place your family wants to be more than anywhere else.

It means seeing to your own welfare because you can't see to the needs of your family when you're running on empty. That said, some goals need to be set aside until the children are much, much older.

You see, as a mom who's looking back, I see where I fell short. I listened to the people who said I could do it all. I didn't understand the concept of "seasons". There's a time to be a full time mom and a time to pursue my own interests and for a very brief period of time these, to some extent, are mutually exclusive. I understand single moms need to work. Some moms need to work part-time to make ends meet, but beyond meeting basic needs kids want your time more than they want stuff. They don't need daily after school activities - sports and enrichment. They need relaxing family time.

Now that my kids are grown, I have lots of time to pursue my own goals. I'm not too old to meet any of the goals I had when my children were young. Now I can "crush it" without worrying about whether I should be doing something else. I don't have to decide between my desires and the kids. I wish when they were little that I had this perspective because I wouldn't have resented the things I gave up because the children needed me. I would have relished every moment with them - every age, every stage - because it doesn't last long. From the time they're born - listen, listen, listen - never assume that they should know better. They don't have the life experience you have; why would they have your wisdom?

Okay, I'm done. Just remember, family first.

Daily risks as adults and a bit about this book

Adults are funny people. We take our lives into our own hands everyday. When we get in the shower, we could slip and fall. In the kitchen we could get burned or ruin our favorite cooking pots. As we travel, the busier the streets are, the more dangerous it is. The worse the weather – the greater the danger. Yet, these are things that we do everyday without a second thought…until something goes wrong, of course.

There are other things in our lives that are much less risky which we stick to as if our life depends on it! We go to the same restaurants and order the same thing every time. We take the same route to work even though there may be faster ways on any given day. We follow the same routine as we are getting ready for work  -  shower, dress, and breakfast.  We don’t venture from these places and routines because…why? We might not like different foods, we might get lost, or we might forget something.

The experiences of risk-taking in childhood can be important because they prepare the child to take risks as an adult. There are big decisions – buying a house, buying a car, marrying your mate, changing jobs, retiring. These choices are life changers.  Some are bigger and more life changing than others, but there is a sense of bigness about all of them. New homes and new cars are decisions that involve lots of money changing hands. Some of these choices involve major life changes. A new home, marriage, a job change will affect not only you, but someone else, too. Because these choices mostly affect you, they are hard choices to make and sometimes others in your life may not support the changes. If you have been permitted to make your own choices and take risks as a child, these decisions might not seem so big, but if these are the first big risks that you’ve taken, they can seem huge. They should seem huge - because they are. They are even more difficult if there are people begging you not to make these changes - or alternatively - encouraging you to rush into a decision.  It can be absolutely crazy-making! So what do you do about it?

You could:

Find an impartial person with whom to discuss these changes.

Make a chart of pros and cons.

Ponder the decision for ages and finally make a decision.

Just follow your gut feeling, close your eyes and blindly jump. 

A decision one person considers a huge risk; another might not consider a risk at all!

Maybe it depends on whether or not the person has an adventurous spirit, but it may also depend on the amount of decision making experience that has come before. There are things that I would like to do now that I wouldn’t have considered doing five years ago – this book for instance. Although, taking a risk by writing a book has no real physical hazards, emotionally, the risk seems very high. Once the words are on paper and in the hands of another, all I can do is hope that people will be kind.  

The one thing that keeps me brave enough to continue with this project is the thought that there could be a mom out there clinging to her child as if her life depended on it. If my words can get her to release her child just a bit and allow the child the chance to learn about their own strengths and be given the opportunity to take a risk or two – if I’ve improved one life then I think the effort that has gone into this book will have been well worth it!